hexmix: P-3 from Atomic Heart sits on a couch while watching TV and holding Granny Zina's chipped chicken (p3 - couch chicken)
combo of busy + misunderstood how long i'd have to watch the films ended with me not being able to catch very many at all, which i am a little sad about, however i did really enjoy the films i managed to watch! gonna ramble a bit about it c:

spoilers throughout.

more here )
hexmix: that robot sure is postin (postin)
finally got around to playing Atomic Heart after spending half a month wanting to and never getting the chance and so far it's been a lot of fun! made the absolute correct decision and went with Easy difficulty this time. i'd played the demo on Normal difficulty and uh....died a whole bunch. game's really reliant on dodging if u want to live, and i hate dodging normally but even more so in first person. -_-

that aside the gameplay's pretty enjoyable. so far there's been a very nice balance of combat, platforming, and puzzle solving, and while the platforming isn't implemented as well as it could be (lbr first person platforming isn't great) it's still really fun and satisfying when i stick a jump.

the puzzles also aren't very difficult, but i really like the timing ones for lockpicking. i mean mostly it's just very funny to me that P-3 has to stand there snapping his fingers over and over.

speaking of P-3: i love him a lot. he's genuinely pretty horrible, and also canonically really fucking stupid, but that adds to his charm as far as i'm concerned. the fact that he's just this big dumb idiot surrounded by scientists is so, so good. here's some very good P-3 moments (only mild, very very early game spoilers):

cut for length + chonky screenshots )

anyway, real positive start so far. excited to finally get out of this first area and maybe even see some scientists instead of just talking to them via the weird tentacle hand thingy.
hexmix: that robot sure is postin (postin)
NOTE: spoilers for the whole of Evil West follow


so one of the many fun things about Evil West is the absolute bombshells that are the character backstories for Vergil and Bloom. Vergil's gets brought up a few times, and it really sticks with you just for how wild it is, like:



like????? and this is still only ever mentioned via lore, just like one of the wildest things: rescued from necromancer as an infant after undergoing some weird ritual we know fuckall about. and it's silly in the exact same campy, over-the-top way everything about Evil West is, but also it's an absolutely incredible get-out-of-jail-free card for anyone wanting to shortcut the uh. the whole "Vergil dies" thing.

bc canonically he was ritual'd by a necromancer, and CANONICALLY the Institute never figured out what was done to him. so like, why shouldn't the ritual kick in once he's dead? who's to say Vergil is even capable of staying dead?

now ppl who know me know i live for this shit; functional immortality is my whole jam. but also it just makes sense? even from a narrative standpoint: we see Rentier Sr spending more time with Bloom towards the end than Vergil, in some respects the two are sort of interchangeable; they're both nerds. both of them have heckin BUCKWILD backstories that are nonetheless just as interchangeable: orphaned, exposed to weird occult shit as children, brought to the Institute while very young. there's also the sort of element of them both being charmed by bizarro!William, who the audience (and Jesse, and Edgar) know is NOTHING like the man seen interacting with Bloom and Vergil. (although iirc it really is mostly Bloom; we're only TOLD how Vergil felt about Rentier Sr by Emilia.)

the fact that it's Vergil and not Bloom who is killed seems incidental: one of the science twinks needed to get offed so Jesse would have the motivation to kill Daddy.

i had a point but i got too amused by the concept of science twinks and the fact that Flying Wild Hog put two in one game, character so nice use him twice, etc.

anyway, back to the necromancy: Evil West feels like the devs were very much open to making it a series, or at least to playing around in that world more. this is the vibes i am personally getting. so then repeating the fact that Vergil got necromancy'd multiple times again kind of feels like something is being set up there, and like what else are you going to be setting up with necromancy?

like not leaning too hard on this or anything, but just saying that if you wanted to write a fix-it where Vergil lives (and i intend to) all you need to do is: WHOOPS the weird necromancy ritual activated with Vergil's death and he's back just as good as new (or possibly some flavor of undead, just have fun with it!) and then imagine what opens up for you after that. can he die at all? what other side effects of the ritual are there, if any?

how fucked up might Jesse be, thinking this kid died bc of his mistake (not killing his dad as soon as they suspected he was vampire'd), and then the twisted sort of relief when he finds Vergil's not dead after all (make it shippy and this whole thing gets worse! you're welcome!) but he might not be human, and he might be just as dangerous as Jesse's dad, and sure Vergil seems fine, he seems just like his old self, this ain't like his Dad, but can he really risk that? can he risk Bloom and Emilia and Edgar and all the people in Calico that it ain't the same thing happening all over again, a revival too good to be true?

anyway i'm just happy i remembered the necromancy ritual thing, bc like after spending so much time thinking about how to revive Ethan and Karl it is incredibly nice that Evil West just shortcuts that for you. thank u, Evil West.
hexmix: that robot sure is postin (postin)
so i just finished Gemma Files' A Book of Tongues and it is such a book. genuinely. i don't know that i can recommend it outright, but i definitely need to talk about it, and i also think that overall people will probably like it. i mean i liked it, i'm absolutely going to be reading the sequel, but it was a surprisingly slow start for a book that's literally just "queer supernatural western," which is ticking so many boxes for me, and yet.

should start off by mentioning that overall Files writes really well. she apparently wrote poetry before she moved onto prose and you can tell; her descriptive imagery and diction are SO GOOD. there's a few things she does that i kind of had issue with, phonetic accents being chief among these, which i'll come back to in a bit, but there's nothing major that kept me from finishing the book.

some things she does outstandingly well tho, aside from the stuff mentioned above: period-specific terminology and dialogue, shit felt genuine even if it wasn't; understated characters; comedy (this one is so big for me and the main reason i'd actually like to rec this book!!!).

as i said, however, the first chapter was kind of a slog; this is mostly because i initially found two of the three main characters, Chess and Rook, so insufferable i ended up rooting for the third main character, a Pinkerton spy. there's a real sort of "original character do not steal" over-the-top feel to their introduction which is THANKFULLY tempered later as they're rounded out more so they stop coming across as caricatures, but at the start i spent a lot of time putting the book down going OOF out loud.

conversely, Morrow (the Pinkerton spy) is a breath of fresh air. he's one of maybe two genuinely decent characters in the entire novel and is very nicely down-to-earth, just a bonafide Normal Guy, who spends most of the duration of all the weird shit that happens alternating between an understandable WHAT IN TARNATION and a resigned HO-HUM sort of attitude to multiple near-death experiences. he is a gem of a character and the main draw for me for this book. Files also uses him as a sort of straight-man character (in more than one way) for occasional comedic moments which are the highlights of the novel for me.

conversely, Rook and Chess are much less engaging; in fact they're at their most engaging for me when they're interacting with Morrow, which is kind of a shame because their story is what the novel is centered around:

the two meet during the Civil War and Rook hangs for a crime Chess committed, which is what awakens his latent magical abilities, revealing him to be a hex (basically just a witch) and sets him and Chess down a path of what turns out to be mutually assured destruction.

the two are lovers, we're told from the get-go, in brutally accurate period-specific homophobic detail. they're also outlaws, leaders of a gang, and murderers, which is made clear in the most outlandish fashion possible in that first chapter. Morrow has been sent by the Pinkertons to spy on them and to get readings of Rook's magical ability (Files introduces the concept of chi only to seemingly forget about it once she leans a bit more into Aztec mythology; one of those things i took issue with).

the book is divided into three parts, with the first and last largely being told from Morrow's point of view (the second is a large chunk that flashes back to when Rook and Chess first met and is told from Rook's pov). and one of the problems i had is that i didn't particularly care as much for the non-Morrow parts of the novel and, despite that being where most of the meat and potatoes of the story actually is, i found myself rushing through it just so i could get back to Morrow.

the novel also jumps around in terms of chronology in a way that feels more style over substance, almost cinematic: more concern is placed on the visual "feel" of how scenes are presented than in an interior logic. so, for example, the climax of the novel is sterilely summarized in a debriefing scene before we actually get to "see" it, with this emphasis placed on the drama of the retelling; the displacement of the reader from the narrative and a sort of delayed tension that is simultaneously deflated in the frame telling.

this is also part of why the first chapter is such a slog: the pov is unfixed, shifting from character to character like a slow pan; presenting the scene visually rather than anchoring it viscerally to a single pov. it FEELS very much like the opening scene of a western; you can hear the echoes of the filmic genre throughout but you're not actually attached to any one character as a reader because it is completely unclear who you should be following, something which isn't helped by Rook and Chess, two of the most main character syndrome individuals you can imagine, just being unpleasant.

it's not even that they're outlandishly evil, they're just incredibly flat. and they stay that way until much later, which is a severe drawback for me. thankfully Morrow is there to carry the novel.

some pretty mild spoilers while i ramble a bit about characterizations and motive + internalized homophobia )

anyway i feel like i'm way out here in the weeds. suffice to say: despite the lackluster start, Files does actually do a great job of fleshing these characters out as the novel progresses. even the central Rook pov section has some really interesting character work. like it's frustrating as all hell, because he's a frustrating character, and what that section represents is effectively negative character development (Rook gets astoundingly, increasingly, worse), but it's still nice writing.

the world-building itself is also fairly interesting, even though it felt kind of determinedly vague to me. considering this is the first book in a trilogy i'm hopeful this will be expanded on in the other novels though. but basically: the novel is set in an alternative 19th century American West (immediately following the Civil War) where everything is the same only some people are witches (hexes) with real magical powers. it's clear how hexes' powers work, what their limitations are, and a general sense of how the public sees them, but what isn't clear is if their existence has had any effect on the world at all, beyond the Pinkertons being interested in them and a failed attempt by the Union army to make a regiment of hexes to fight the Confederates.

Rook's powers are also pretty interesting, though we don't see enough of other hexes to genuinely know how strong he actually is, just that we're told he's damn strong. there's also the problem with the one Chinese hex in the novel. well, there's several problems there, to be honest.

back to the phonetic accent gripe: the chapter where the main characters go to Chinatown is Bad. most of this is from the phonetic accent shit, which is like pretty much always a horrid writing decision. it's even worse when Files decided to keep all the period-specific racism. this in-and-of-itself isn't bad, i don't think, because it's clear that she's very dedicated to being as period-accurate as possible, and the period-specific homophobia is even more strongly centered. there are even parts where it's clear she's highlighting racism against Native Americans, where she points to the US government-sanctioned genocide of Native Americans, but then you also have every single main character using a racial slur against Chinese people at least once and me throwing my hands up at the apparent necessity of it. especially because Files doesn't seem to be making a point about that. (to be clear: no she didn't need to include all that when she's not actually making a point, she's simply being period accurate by making her characters casually racist.)

the novel was also published in 2010, so like 14 years ago, so i'm willing to give Files the benefit of the doubt here, especially because she does seem to be aware of the racism itself. i just also think that maybe it wouldn't have been half as fucking bad if she hadn't used phonetic accents.

overall tho i'd say read it if you're a fan of the genre. it's actually much more well written than many other similar genre books with queer characters, even considering its flaws.

also, to be clear: is the novel queer? resoundingly YES. Rook and Chess' relationship is THE central focus of the novel, even during the Morrow sections, and it is also what sets the events of the world-damning overarching plot in motion. is Chess and Rook's relationship engaging? personally speaking i found it much less so. there's a tragedy inherent to it that's pretty engaging, but like i said i spent most of the novel just kind of hoping someone would off Rook lol. i think that Morrow and Chess' relationship is much more interesting, and am genuinely excited to see how it develops in the second book.

but as i said, i found Morrow infinitely more engaging in general. if you read the novel for any reason read it for him. there are so many fucking hilarious scenes with him, and then there's also that good good Ethan draw of: it's just some dude Really Going Through It.

the genre aspects are also great, like if you're a fan of westerns and supernatural nonsense you'll most likely enjoy the book. so like, i'd rec it with reservations i guess? feel a little like doing a very spoiler-heavy post on it but we'll see.

anyway here's some content warnings for anyone who needs them: period-accurate homophobia, sexism, and racism; internalized homophobia (with a resounding Christian/religious flavor); extreme violence and gore; rape that occurs off screen (happens twice); magic that counts as mind control. there might be more but this is what's sticking out at me rn. feel free to ask if there's anything specific you'd like to know before reading.
hexmix: a little ghost in a witch's hat (spirit hat)
horrid start to this week, and that's, well. it's not something that's going to get better, just something i have to get used to, i guess. in typical fashion i am just simply Not Thinking About It bc when i do i just end up crying and that's not helping anything. :/

things have been fine otherwise. i've been hitting a lot of goals i've set for myself; getting some shit done around the house that i've been putting off, writing more, etc. a little while back i spent an evening clicking thru the Random Community button and checking different dw comms out. found a lot of writing challenges, which were always something i was big into on lj. finished a fic for a flashfic challenge for small fandoms yesterday. got my eyes on that comm specifically for Evil West reasons lmao.

gonna let the fic set for a few days before proofing it one final time and then i'll post it to the comm; can't post it anywhere else until the challenge duration is up but i'll link to it at least. pretty happy with it overall c:

aside from that, posting spirit hat outside of dw again. decided on this despite my wariness of getting hung up on an update schedule bc about a week back i wrote the final lines for 'sunshine,' so i'm feeling very good about finishing it up soon.

not that this means i've finished the last chapter; i only have a detailed outline/rough draft for it, but bc i tend to write out all the dialogue when i do those i ended up just writing the last little bit of the fic. so now i've got that, heck yeah.

my problem ends up being that i always write those bits in present tense (i don't know why i do this???) so then even if there are salvageable lines i still have to go thru and change the tense on everything lol. i delete this stuff as i go so i don't have any of it from earlier fic chapters and just have stuff that'd be spoilers, but like if you want to see what i'm talking about here's a selection for a scene from an outline/draft i wrote for a din/migs canon divergent book of boba fett au that i'll never write:

i got so obsessed with the brain lizard detail in book of boba u have no idea )

so that's effectively what the last chapter of 'sunshine' looks like right now lol. sometimes i'll also cut out action descriptions entirely and just do only dialogue, but that's uh. that's the writing process for me lmao. not that i do detailed outlines/drafts like this for everything; sometimes i'll start getting claustrophobic about an outline that's too tight so i have to like. fucking freeball it. i prefer to leave enough room that scenes and character interactions can develop organically when i'm writing, and a lot of that happens when i do detailed outlines/drafts like this and then it's just a matter of rewriting/expanding. but other times i'll have to ax huge chunks of things i've written bc feeling too strangled by them.

guess i should clarify that i do have like a barebones overarching outline of where i want things to go, like a 'how to get from point A to B' kind of thing, but i try not to fill that in too much until i'm actually sitting down to write xyz scene. or, you know, if i get an idea in the shower and then need to jot it down quickly before i forget. and then there are times when i'll get an idea for a scene and decide to write a wholeass fic around it. this happened with an ff8 longfic i was writing in high school and is also the reason i decided to keep going with spirit hat after 'blooms.'

anyway man, that's a ramble. but we are here at the personal blog/Yell Void, so it's fine lol.
hexmix: a little ghost in a witch's hat (Default)
doing a reread of spirit hat bc finally feeling the motivation to work on it again, but i equally feel the need to reread it to make sure i'm remembering details correctly bc it's been SO LONG, and it's just amusing the heck out of me to get to certain points and know exactly where certain things were changed or even entire chapters deleted. there's also the level of "how much i planned out from the beginning" vs "how much was added in later."

more rambling here )

and then the other part of rereading pt1 is seeing everything that i was setting up that i haven't even gotten to write yet, but that i've been dying to, and getting all motivated to continue writing.

got so hung up on and frustrated with doing rewrites for so long that it just really compounded the burnout i was feeling and the stress i was under from irl shit that i just had to shove everything to the side. which is, honestly speaking, probably for the best. was getting to where i hated even thinking about the fic for a while there, like it started feeling like a job, not a hobby, and that's exactly the opposite way i want to feel about fiction writing.

it is very genuinely frustrating to have basically the whole of pt4 technically written, but being unable to post any of it bc so much of it needs to be rewritten, in some cases for the third or fourth time (aaaaaaa!!!!!!!!). slowly being backstabbed by my own perfectionism over and over and unable to do anything but sit there all: "okay :-("

and focusing on getting to the parts i'm dying to write doesn't help bc it's just a reminder that i'm not writing it lmfao.

like only lightmode knows how many times i rewrote what i've been calling the shed chapter (the "ethan gets drunk and they make out on the porch" chapter). and i think it's infinitely better for it but by the end i was so fucking sick of it. nothing was working for me 100% and i needed that chapter to work 100%. it was goddamn imperative that it work 100%. not even for like. the success of the narrative, i just needed it to be perfect bc i guess i'll die if things i make aren't perfect? idk.

anyway, enough time has passed now that i'm not feeling the burnout as much and i feel like i actually want to write again. to specifically write spirit hat again. gotta get thru pt2 and ethan's castle explorin' first tho (not a big fan of that section tbh; would prob rewrite it if i was editing pt2 rn). there's stuff that got axed from pt2 too; not bc i misremembered something from the game, just because it fucking sucked lmao. no one knows what bullet we all collectively dodged, but we should all be glad to have dodged it lol.

(oh, except for the part where i was going to have karl find the karl book when they got to the winterses' house and things were going to go Very Poorly bc no telepathy yet and ethan was going to end up impaled and it was going to be So Fraught, and then i was like "nah they spent most of this fic fighting, the karl book discovery can be moved to later." but like initially was really gonna lean into the enemies to lovers thing, was gonna need to For Real Tho the dubcon tag, and then i was just like nah bc i was tired of writing them fighting. also bc i wanted to add in fake married bc i knew lightmode enjoyed the trope. the ways lightmode has unknowingly shaped the fic: fake married. the ways lightmode has knowingly shaped the fic: i asked them what they wanted to see and they said karl in a hawaiian shirt on the beach. i mean also all their edits/suggestions lmao, but here specifically i am referring to Unforeseen Plot Divergences.)

just rambling at this point. a lot of this is stuff i've wanted to talk about for a while, but twitter isn't exactly the best place for it, and then i also figure that this is all a "no one cares" sitch. but thankfully i've remembered my dreamwidth exists: my personal internet word vomit space, hell yeah i'll holler into the void.

anyway back to the reread. here's hoping i can finish soon and actually get to some writing!

December 2024

S M T W T F S
1234567
891011121314
15161718192021
22232425262728
2930 31    

Syndicate

RSS Atom

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Dec. 28th, 2025 05:08 pm
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios